Back in 2015 I wrote about my wife being diagnosed with breast cancer, and then after an operation and extensive treatment, the joy of a clear result. The stress felt prior to subsequent tests, and the relief that followed them, continued for several happy years, but in 2019 the cancer returned. Even worse it was incurable.
Since then there’s been various kinds of treatment to try and contain it, along with the incredible strength, bravery and stoicism shown by Akiko, but the disease has continued to spread. So much so in fact that now all that’s left is time. Time to spend together, and hopefully time that doesn’t involve too much suffering. But it’s a time that’s distressingly limited, with only months rather than years remaining.
With family nearby, the necessary care and the importance of being together will be shared, so there’ll still be days when I get out with the camera for a stroll and a bit of a break. The simple pleasure of wandering about and taking photos has helped enormously up to now, and without a doubt that will continue to be the case. That said, the usual 3 updates a week simply won’t be possible, so from next week, I’ll keep Tokyo Times ticking over with posts every Wednesday, plus some possible extras should I have the opportunity. It’ll provide a welcome diversion more than anything, but also a chance to share what I’ve seen on what’ll be far more sporadic outings.
It sadly goes without saying that since the cancer returned, this truly awful scenario was always the outcome. Preparing for such an eventuality, on the other hand, is utterly impossible. We certainly weren’t prepared for it getting to this stage so quickly either. And that, I think, is all I can write for now. Life can be okay at times, even quite nice on occasions, but my god it can be cruel — horribly cruel beyond all belief.
Lisa Twaronite Sone says
We’ve never met in person, but your photos have really touched my heart. I’m so sorry about this, and I wish your family peace.
Lee says
Thats really nice to hear, and thanks a lot. Very kind of you.
グレゴリ says
Et tu brute? I walk in similar shoes and it has been unbearable inside. It is comforting to see your expression up against a random wall, all graffiti’d up. The world around us keeps moving unaware our her or our plights. All we ever had was time, but now it seems that I can often count the grains if sand. Keep us in touch
Lee says
Very sorry to hear you are going through the same, horrible thing. I know what you mean about time too. When there’s suddenly a limit, it feels very different indeed…
Take care, and yes, I’ll be sure to post updates.
Chris says
As a one time Tokyo photo blogger, I’ve been actively following your site for what feels like forever now.
As the previous commenter said, we’ve never met, but it’s as if I know you.
My thoughts are with you and your wife during this time. Take lots of photos together, reminisce about the good old days, wake up daily with intention, and cherish the small moments.
Lee says
It has been going a while eh? Thanks for sticking with it, and it’s really good to hear that through my photos you’ve got to know me.
That’s very good advice and was lovely to read. Thank you.
Theresa says
Wow. I remember reading about this back in 2015 and the subsequent remission. I can’t imagine all the emotions you’re going through. It sounds like you and your wife are doing beyond what any advice can do. Sending virtual hugs. Stay strong.
Lee says
Yeah, sometimes seems like a long time ago, and yet at other times very recent.
Thank you very much. It’s a lot to deal with that’s for sure, but just taking one day at a time.
John says
Very sorry to hear this.
Lee says
Thank you very much.
Julien says
Just a few weeks ago I was actually wondering if everything was still alright with your wife, and pondering writing a comment here. I’m so sorry to read that it was not the case.
I’m not as good with words as the previous posters, but I wish you the best time you have remaining with her.
Lee says
I’ve pondered an update myself for a while now, but recent events sadly made it a necessity.
Those words are plenty good enough. Thank you very much.
Sean says
I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through I had no idea. I don’t know what to say except I hope you can make the most of your time together. Take care a stay strong.
Lee says
Thank you very much. Akiko is at home now, so at least we can do that.
YTSL says
I’m so sorry, Lee. And yes, life can be so very cruel at times even while precious at others. I’m glad going out for a stroll, taking photos and sharing them helps. And I hope Akiko loves your photos as much as your blog visitors do.
Lee says
Thanks ever so much. Yes, it really can. Cruel and incredibly unfair.
Getting out and about with the camera really does help. A kind of therapy of sorts, so I’ll definitely be heading out when I can. She likes some of them, and her thoughts on what works and what doesn’t has often been invaluable. One more thing I’m going to miss…
Matt Gallais (pixoshiru) says
Love, lots of it.
m.
Lee says
Thank you ever so much.
ellen says
I’m so very sorry to hear this my thoughts go out to you both. Be strong and take care.
Lee says
Thanks a lot. Being strong isn’t easy, but thankfully I’m not going through this on my own.
andrew says
this is sad news to hear. i love your photography. sending bright thoughts your way.
Lee says
Thanks a lot on both counts. Will definitely be in need of those bright thoughts.
john says
Horribly cruel indeed, but I do hope that ‘the quite nice’ can still manage to turn up unannounced for you both, with decent frequency.
I’ll certainly be checking in on the back issues.
An eloquent photo by the way. There’s a man who isn’t seeing the whole picture.
Hoping you keep your batteries charged!
Lee says
Thanks a lot. Yes, I’m hoping there’ll still be some of those. Sure there will be.
Cheers. The graffiti certainly resonated, and having the fella stood there was a nice addition. A necessary one I think. Oh, and batteries always charged!
Harri says
Very sorry to hear that. Stay strong!
Lee says
Thank you very much. I shall definitely do my best.
GrassyJ says
I have been following you for the nearly a decade. Mostly a lurker and a person of few words. Just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you, your wife, and your family.
Matthias Sareika says
I would like to join GrassyJ’s comment, because I want to
express the same thoughts.
I feel connected and very sad
though we never met.
Thank you for also sharing
this very personal story.
Lee says
A big thanks to both of you. They are very kind words and much appreciated. That people feel connected is also a nice feeling. A very nice feeling indeed.
Ken C says
As several people have already said, I feel as though I know you as your site is one of the first I visit each day and we have shared the occasional banter. I lost my wife three months ago so I understand what you are going through now and how bad it will get. Everyone says that it gets easier with time but getting there is, and will be, like a nightmare. My thoughts are with you.
Lee says
Oh Ken, I’m terribly sorry to hear you lost your wife. My thoughts go out to you, and I really hope that you are managing okay and getting the support you need. Take good care of yourself, and thanks ever so much for your kind words. Considering what you are going through, it was especially generous of you to leave such a lovely and supportive comment.
Tobias says
I deeply and sincerely hope that your wife will be ok. My thoughts are with you, too.
Lee says
Thank you very much. It’s sadly long past that stage, but hopefully the coming weeks and months will be kind.
Rob says
Very sorry to hear this. There really are no words, other than wishing you and your family strength through this.
As mentioned before by others, as a ‘follower’ of your posts and picture we are connected, and I’m hoping that can at least give some
kind of support.
Lee says
Thanks ever so much. A simple message of support means a lot at the moment. That idea of a connection is also very nice to hear. To know people we don’t even know are thinking of us is something really quite special.
Glenn says
Very sorry to read this, mate. I met you at a Danny Choo event back in about 2008 and was very inspired by your approach to documenting Tokyo life. You said nice things about my risqué approach to taking photos at Tokyo events and I’ve always remembered that. Big love to you and your family at this difficult time.
Lee says
Blimey, that was so long ago… Time flies eh? Thank you very much for the kind words on all counts. The one saving grace is we aren’t going through this alone. We are at least lucky in that sense. Having help and support nearby is a huge help.
cdilla says
The randomness of life can be so deeply, deeply unfair.
Photos from our times in Tokyo cycle slowly on all my computer screen backdrops and often show places you took us to.
Our thoughts are with Akiko and you and we hope the good days are bright and many.
Lee says
Yes, it really can…
It’s nice to know those photos regularly make an appearance, and thanks ever so much. Today was a good day all things considered, so hopefully there’ll be lots more.
Nate L. says
Lee, I’ve followed your photography for many years and as a lover of Japan it’s been a window I’ve adored looking through. I had my honeymoon in Kyoto and lost my father to cancer, and hearing your news saddens me greatly. Wishing you both as much happiness together as is possible this year, albeit just from a stranger here in Hertfordshire, England.
Lee says
Thank you very much, and stranger or otherwise, such kind words are just as lovely. Very sorry to hear about your father as well. It really is a truly horrible disease, isn’t it?
Glad to hear my photos have offered welcome glimpses of a country you love. You beat me on the Japanese honeymoon, as after getting married in Britain, we had our honeymoon in Paris!
Paul says
As your photos have a very positive effect on my mind for years now, I hope my wish for things getting better for Akiko will have some too.
Best regards.
Paul
Lee says
Thank you very much. That’s a lovely sentiment. Really nice to also hear that photos I essentially took for myself, were similarly enjoyed by someone else. That makes the process all the more rewarding.
Once an Expat says
As many others have said, your blog is one of my net surfing stops. How terribly unfair what has happened is. Hope the remaining time you have with your wife will be lived to the fullest.
Lee says
Yeah, it really is. No fairness at all, only randomness. And thank you very much. With Akiko now home, we can at least do what we can to make each day as good as it can be.
Barron says
Hi. I’ve enjoyed your photography from afar for very long now. I’m very sorry and saddened to hear about the cancer returning. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Lee says
That’s really nice to hear. It has been both surprising and rewarding to hear from so many people who, unbeknownst to me, have been long time readers. And thanks ever so much for the kind words. They are much appreciated.
Angie says
Another longtime follower who is reeling from this news. I found my way to your photos when my husband had to move across the country (US) for work and I was stuck alone at a difficult time in my life. In the years since, we’ve lost his mother, my best friend, two aunts, an uncle, and my mother to cancer. It is a ravening f*cking beast, mindless when all we want is to make sense.
We never know what’s coming, for better or worse, but if we’re lucky there’s some beauty to be found along the way. Thank you for continuing to put the beauty you find out there for the rest of us. Sending all my best and wishing I could do more to carry you both along the unspeakable road ahead.
Lee says
As I mentioned above, it has been lovely to hear from longtime readers who I was completely unaware of. A huge motivation to keep things going regardless of what life throws at me. Talking of which, I’m so sorry to hear of the people you have lost. I’ve been lucky in that regards up to now, so I can’t imagine how difficult things must have been, and no doubt still are. I just hope things are getting a little easier for you each passing day.
And thank you very much for the kind words and encouragement. Such heartfelt words really do mean a lot.
Gordo says
I forget how I came across your blog but I’m been following you for a couple of years now. I’m so sorry to hear the news about your wife.
Even though it was a like a punch a in the gut I’m also glad that you were willing to share it with us. Cancer is such a terrible thing and I wish that I could offer more than sympathetic words. Please take care of yourself and Akiko in the time you have left and let the blog take care of itself. Even in the darkest times please don’t forget that there are many people out there who you’ve never met who care about you and your wife’s struggle and are hoping for the best for both of you.
Lee says
Writing this and the original update 6 years ago certainly wasn’t easy, but there was definitely a cathartic element to it. With it still being so raw, writing still feels easier than actually talking about it. Plus getting lovely responses like yours helps even more. Extra comfort during a very hard time. So thanks ever so much for the kind words and encouragement. They are very much appreciated.
Ted+Taylor says
So sorry to hear this. I wish the best for you and your family. Please make the most of your time together.
Lee says
Thank you very much. With Akiko now home we can at least be together, which in a pandemic is very sadly not always possible.
Oenophileangler says
My 99 year old uncle just died peacefully yesterday. He was like a dad to me, since I was estranged from my father for all my life. I saw him yesterday, comatose, for the first time in over a year, due to Covid. I wasn’t allowed to visit him due to restrictions at his residence until yesterday, because he just entered Hospice. Please take the time to be with your wife whenever she needs.
Lee says
Very sorry to hear about the death of your uncle. The pandemic has had so many terrible consequences apart from just the very obvious. I’m glad you at least got to see him, but I can only imagine how difficult that must have been after a year of not doing so.
Thanks ever so much for the nice words. Taking the time to leave a message after what you’ve just been through is very kind indeed.
Oenophileangler says
Thank YOU for your photo blog. I’ve lurked for many years. I’ve been to Japan, maybe ten times. I always try to see if I can recognize some of your places! Take care of yourself too, as well as your wife.
Richard says
As someone who has lost loved ones to cancer my heartfelt sympathy and support go to Akiko and you. I hope you can experience more moments of loving happiness in the coming weeks.
Lee says
Thank you very much. That’s very kind of you. With Akiko now home. I’m sure there’ll still be plenty of those.
Jotta Vinti junior says
Senhor Lee Chapman, acompanho seu trabalho há muito tempo.
Sempre apreciei muito sua pesquisa sócio-fotográfica; ela é bastante onírica, por assim dizer.
Soube dos problemas de saúde de sua esposa; espero que ela tenha o máximo de tranquilidade possível nesses dias conclusivos.
Por favor, cuide-se bem.
Lee says
Muito obrigado, isso é muito gentil da sua parte.
DrewH says
Like everyone here I am shocked by the news. We are all thinking of the both of you.
Hopefully there will be some laughter amongst the tears.
Lee says
Thank you very much for the kind words. There has been plenty of the latter, but happy to say there has also been a good amount of laughter.
Craig says
As others have intimated this feels very personal to me despite never having met you. You, your kinds words and wonderful photos have given me much pleasure and comfort over the past years that I wish I could give something back.
Lee says
Those kind words are more than enough back. To hear that you feel a personal connection along with an enjoyment of my photos is a real boost in a very difficult time. It’s genuinely nice to hear. No doubt about it whatsoever. So thank you very much.
Warren says
Very sad to read this, my thoughts and support to Akiko and you.
Lee says
Thanks a lot, that’s very kind of you.
Raja Sekhar Upputuri says
I was an ardent follower of your site and those amazing photographs you post. Little did I know that the person taking these photos is going through a lot. I had been in your shoes once, a newly married person dreaming of building our own sweet family yet fate had other plans. My wife is cured now (with some permanent damage) but the scars the disease left on both of us are deep and continue to haunt us. I wish you lot of mental strength. There is a saying in my country that goes something like – Do your duty and leave rest to GOD, after all we are mere actors in this wonderful game called life. That line gave me lot of courage & comfort. Hope it does for you too.
Lee says
Very sorry to hear that you’ve suffered some similarly horrible experience. One of the many things I’ve learned from all this is that you can never truly know what someone else is going through, and so with that in mind, you should always treat others well, unless of course they behave in a way that forces one to act otherwise.
Thank you very much. I’ll happily take all the comfort I can at the moment, and I also hope that you can continue to do the same.
Josee says
My thoughts are with you and your wife. Stay strong. Try not to look too far ahead as we tend to dwell on negative thoughts. Live life by the day.
Lee says
Thanks ever so much. That’s something I’ve always thought important, but only now do I truly know how important such an approach really is.
Mike says
Heart breaking news!
I Hope you get the best out of the time you have left. Thank you for sharing your creativity with us.. I really enjoy your photography so much.
It was so nice to see you on Eyexplorer in person as well!
All the best to you and your family!
Lee says
Thank you very much. Wth Akiko now home, we can at least spend time together. Not the case if she was in hospital or a hospice.
And thanks for the kind words about my photography. Glad you enjoyed the Eyexplore video too. I’m generally not very comfortable that side of a camera, but it was essentially just a walk and chat which made it a lot easier.
scruffy says
Oh man, so sorry to hear this news. Every day you’re able to hold her hand and look into her eyes is the luckiest day of your life. She is so very lucky to have you. I will look forward to your photos, less often now, and thank you for telling us why.
Lee says
That’s a very nice way of approaching each and every day. I need to keep that in mind. Thank you.
I’m glad I did mention it as there was a cathartic element to writing it. Yours and the many other thoughtful replies have also been a huge help and much needed bright spots.
john says
I was wondering if you would be suffering from cathartic tunnel syndrome with all of that typing recently. (My wrist rest was the source of a mysterious ongoing gooey leak.)
I’m intrigued at the ‘Akiko Recommends..’ selection, maybe if you hit a blank for Wednesdays.
regardless of all that .. take care!
Lee says
Just about managing thanks.
Haha, if I stuck with them I may not even manage Wednesdays. She is supportive, but at the same time doesn’t hold back! Actually, talking of Wednesdays, I’ve realised I have a lot more time on my hands than expected, so there’ll be more than just Wednesday updates. At least for now anyway.
Evan says
Thanks Lee for what you share.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lee says
You are very welcome. It’s all very much a labour of love.
And thanks a lot. Much appreciated.
Isidore says
I am a medical oncologist, and I have seen firsthand how cancer affects the patients and their loved ones. I will pray for healing and comfort.
Thank you for your photos and your words. You are blessed to have each other. Please hang in there.
Lee says
It truly is a horrible disease, isn’t it…?
You are very welcome, and thank you very much. We are making the most of what we can.
Michael says
I have followed your post for many years and always enjoyed it. Like you, I have married a Japanese and we hope to retire there one day. Reading your last post it reminds me of a saying.. ” Don’t die with dreams, die with memories ” It sounds like you and your wife have made so many memories, with moving to Japan and living there.
Lee says
Thank you. That’s a very nice saying. There are plenty of memories I’m happy to say. Of that there is no doubt. But it would have been so much nicer to make a lot more of them…
Sophie says
I’m so sad to read this news. I thought about your wife from time to time when reading your posts, not knowing she was not fine after all. Please make the most of time remaining by her side and take care…
Lee says
I debated mentioning it sooner, but I hoped that I could avoid doing so for a lot longer. Sadly that wasn’t to be the case…
Thank you very much. It’s tough at times that’s for sure, but we are definitely making the most of what we can.
Bernadette Loftus says
I am sorry for the difficult times you and your dear wife have experienced and will continue to experience. I am in awe of the amount of strength you both have to deal with this head on. How any human can get through such a excruciating event is far beyond me. I wish mental strength was a commodity that bought, sold, or traded. If it was, whatever reserves of strength I have, I’d donate them to you both. For now, please make do with my enormous respect for the two of you. And my unending appreciation for sharing such a painful personal event. I will light a candle for you both in the hopes that my gift of strength somehow reaches you.
Lee says
Thank you very much. Those are such kind words. Words that are very much appreciated.
I’m just here doing the best I can under the circumstances. It’s Akiko who has the real strength. Just like she’s had throughout this whole ordeal. If I possessed a fraction of that fortitude, I’d be able to get through anything and everything the future throws at me.
Thomas says
Hello,
I do not know what to say… I checked I commented your previous article saying it was over in 2016, I am still reading your site and watching your beautiful pictures of everyday Japan.
I cannot help a lot from Paris, but please be assured that I am with you guys in spirit.
Ganbatte kudasai.
Life can be harsh.
Bon courage
Lee says
Yeah, there was always the danger of it coming back, but back then we could at least enjoy the clear results and the hope for a long future.
Thank you for the kind words, and even more so for the support and encouragement. Very nice to hear.
Rob says
I have followed your blog for many years – and have corresponded with you on a few occasions. Your website continues to be a constant source of both comfort (for a Japan that I love very much and miss) and inspiration (to be able to improve my ‘eye’ and take a ‘better’ picture). While we’ve never met, both you and your wife are in my thoughts – I can only echo the kind thoughts that have been posted previously. Take care.
Lee says
That’s very nice to hear. It’s a constant learning process for me, so to hear that other people get something from my photos is very rewarding. And thank you ever so much. To read so many kind words and thoughts really has been something special.
graham says
Like so many here, even those of us who have lived, or do live in Japan, especially Tokyo, the site has become quite a daily look out of a window. Certainly when people ask me ‘what is Japan like’, I often refer them here, because it shows so much of life, and not just perhaps what people would want to show all the time.
My own experience is how much family shapes who we are, and what we value, so I wonder which of your photos your wife has, and will continue to influence. She sounds like a wonderful person, and I wish you both as much time as you can have together.
Lee says
Thank you very much. Those are very kind words. Yes, she is a wonderful person. Also an incredibly brave person. The bravest and toughest person I know. Hard to know how she will influence my photography going forward, but up until now probably her biggest influence has been pure and simple support. Support in what I’ve been trying to do, and then full support when it came to making my own photowalks business. That gave me the freedom I needed to go forward, and she has been there every step of the way. As she always will be of course, but sadly in a very different way…
Thanks too for the words about my photos. Hearing that from somebody living here is extra special.