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Mildly amusing Japanese-English #10

Bar code

Quite often, borrowed English words turn up in the strangest of situations, many of them far removed from their original meaning. But the reworking of bar code is a stroke of genius, as it perfectly describes what in regular English is a plain old comb-over.

Sporting the bar code in the picture below is Japan’s Health, Labour, and Welfare Minister Chikara Sakaguchi. Another in the long line of Japanese politicians to have been caught missing payments to the national pension plan. But on the ever-growing list of non-payers, Mr. Sakaguchi is among distinguished friends. As Prime Minister Koizumi, and Tokyo’s obnoxious and racist Governor Shintaro Ishihara have also been found guilty of shirking their pension responsibilities.

But Sakaguchi-san may have got rumbled for not contributing fully to the pension fund, but judging by his impressive bar code, he still feels he can fool us into thinking he’s got a full head of hair.

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Are you going to tell him, or shall I?

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Mildly amusing Japanese-English #9

burapi

The Japanese seem to enjoy shortening words and names. A remote controller is known as a rimocon. Jimi Hendrix becomes cute and cuddly jimi hen. And Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt gets the rather unfortunate new name of burapi.

Apparently it’s now official that Mr. burapi is the second most desirable male in Japan. The top dog of course being the god of fashion and football, David Beckham. Even despite Beckham’s recent dalliance with his assistant, Japanese ladies still regard him as the hottest catch. Allowing the England captain to continue making millions from dodgy chocolate commercials.

But lets not take anything away from Hollywood heartthrob burapi. He recently arrived in Japan to promote his latest offering Troy, and was greeted at the airport by more than 1,000 screaming fans. With presumably all of them chanting the mantra, “burapi, burapi, burapi, burapi.”

I just wish I’d been there to hear it.

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burapi in Japan yesterday

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Mildly amusing English usage #2

It’s not unusual to see products or services with English names in Japan. Some of them are quite sensible, whilst others it has to be said are positively absurd. Plus there are also one or two of them that end up in the unfortunate category. The Seibu Railway’s super express train sadly falls into the latter group.

The name itself isn’t all that bad, as it’s the New Red Arrow. It even makes sense. The train is fast, so the arrow reference is certainly valid. The carriages are modern, so the new description rings true. And colour wise it’s, ahem, black and grey. But hey, lets not get picky, two out of three isn’t bad.

So up to now all is well and good, but on the train the name is shortened to just NRA.

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Now how much truth there is in this I don’t know, as I’ve never been on the NRA. But rumour has it that the seats are equipped with gun holsters, and on the odd occasion Charlton Heston turns up as a guest driver. Although it has been said that some passengers have raised concerns about Mr.Heston’s rather elaborate train driving uniform.

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Thou shalt be on time!

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Mildly amusing Japanese-English #8

Dutch wife

For reasons unknown, a blow up doll in Japan is called a dutch wife. There probably is a simple explanation for such an unusual name, but I think I’d prefer not to know. That way it’s more intriguing, and also funnier. Unless you happen to be a real Dutch wife I suppose.

But in technology driven Japan, dutch wives are not freakish looking inflatable monsters. Instead they are silicone-molded beauties, that apparently have a texture very similar to real skin and are completely seam free. These state of the art dutch wives do come at a price though. The latest Jewel model will set you back a libido quelling 600,000 yen (3,000 pound).

For anybody in the market for a dutch wife, here’s what you can expect for your money.

jewel sex doll

And as you can see from these pictures, you can take your bride out on a date, or even to the beach.

jewel sex doll

Orient Industry who make these companions offer a lifelong after-service, and anticipate a time when the doll will outlive its owner. But for any unwanted dutch wives, the company will discreetly take them back free of charge. And rather than just throw them away, twice a year it has a Buddhist memorial service, where the ‘souls’ of the dolls are consecrated.

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Bush’s Japanese commercial

Despite already having a rather demanding full-time job, it would appear that George W Bush somehow managed to find the time to do a spot of moonlighting in Japan. Making a TV commercial for one of the nation’s biggest language schools.

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Ok, that’s not quite true, but the actor in the commercial is supposed to be Bush, and unusually for such an endeavor, does actually bear a likeness to the US president. What’s more, it’s a great (if slightly odd) advert too. And how could you fail to be impressed with an opening line of “You like fish, why not English?”

To see this gem in all it’s bizarre glory, just click on the picture below.

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For those of you without broadband, click here and select your connection speed. Nobody should miss out on this little beauty.